Denial Hurts a tiva fic
by that voice in your head
Summary: my first fic ever! tony proposes to jeanne, but what effect will this have on his relationship with ziva? NEW chapter up! yay for all!
1. breaking down the barriers

before i begin i need people to know three things

1. number one this is my first fic ever

2. i haven't actually seen the 4th series as a live in england

3. i haven't read any other ncis fics so any similarity to them in purely coincidental

Tony sat at his desk eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. Turning his phone over and over in his hand, willing it to ring. His other hand was balled in a fist so tight his fingernails dug into his skin, but he hadn't noticed, he hadn't noticed anything. He had been there since this morning, jumping down the throat of anyone who dared to approach him. He tapped his foot in impatience,

Now though Mcgee, Abby and Ziva were before him.

'We were wondering-' Mcgee started but Ziva cut across him.

'Why your being such a bitch' she finished.

Tony didn't even bother to reply.

'Maybe he's PMSing?' said Abby in all seriousness. Ziva laughed but shut up quickly as Tony threw her a filthy look.

'It's not that' he said irritated. 'It's… its personal'

'Jeanne' said Ziva carefully, it suddenly hitting her. She mentally kicked herself for not realizing it earlier.

Tony nodded slowly.

'She hasn't broken up with you has she?' asked Abby putting a hand on his arm.

'No.' said Tony annoyed. 'It's just that well you see I… proposed.'

'Congratulations!' smiled Mcgee. 'Wow that's-' But Abby whacked him in the stomach to shut him up.

'She said no' said Ziva.

'No she didn't!' Tony shouted angrily.

'Then why are you so upset?' asked Abby.

'Because… because she hasn't exactly said yes yet either.'

'What?' said Mcgee, confused.

'She said that she loved me.' Tony explained bitterly. 'But she's not sure if she' ready to marry me yet.'

'Oh god, I'm so sorry Tony' said Abby throwing her arms round his neck.

Ziva simply put her head on one side and watched the scene unfold. Mcgee and Abby telling him how sorry they felt for him and him taking it graciously. She could sense that Tony was watching her, willing for her to tell him that she was sorry too. But she couldn't seem to bring herself to do it. She didn't like Jeanne, and wasn't going to pretend that she did. She knew it was foolish as she had never actually met the woman, but she didn't like her all the same. She had changed Tony, anyone could see that. He was no longer bragging about his latest one night stand or checking out every girl who walked by. He had treated Ziva differently too, holding her at arms length, making her more and more frustrated. He looked at her differently, she could tell that he was shielding himself from her, creating an invisible, unbreakable barrier Every time she would get close he'd push her away, their light-hearted banter turning into hurtful insults from either side. And now he had proposed, Tony the forever bachelor was settling down, now that she really didn't understand. She knew that he and Jeanne had been dating for a while, but not how serious it had become.

Tony was staring at her now, directly into her eyes, it made her feel uneasy. It was more like he was surveying a suspect before interrogating, trying to read all her movements. She broke his gaze and slid off his desk and walked away, without looking back. She could feel Tony's eyes burning holes in the back of her head but that just made her walk faster, trying to outrun her guilt.

* * *

Tony didn't hear the doorbell ring the first time, he wasn't sure if it was the trash TV he had been watching or the drink. It rang again, a short sharp noise that snapped him out of his comatose state.

He stood up quickly only to feel a wave of nausea causing him to have to run to the bathroom. He stumbled to the door and looked through the peephole. He blinked; to make sure it was really who he thought it was and then opened the door.

'You know where I live?' he asked bewildered.

Ziva just stood there smirking, a large plastic bag swinging from her arm.

'You know where I live.' He said again slowly as if confirming his previous question.

They looked at each other for a minute, silently weighing the other one up, like boxers before a fight. He didn't know why she was here. _She _didn't know why she was here. There was a long drawn out awkward silence, you could almost see the tumbleweed floating past

'So…' Tony started. He didn't have anything to say, he just wanted to break the tension. He sighed and scratched the bag of his neck. 'Do you… want to come in?'

He regretted it almost instantly; he had in a few words, broken down the walls he had spent the past months constructing. To say that Ziva was surprised would be an understatement, but he could tell she was trying to hide it. Her eyes widened but then she smiled. Tony hadn't seen her smile for a long time, and he had forgotten how much he had missed it, he had forgotten how much he had missed her…

'Sure' she said. 'But err…' she gestured towards him. He looked down at himself and flushed red.

The simple shirt and jeans he was wearing were stained and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair stuck up at an odd angle, and when she wrinkled her nose, he could tell that he reeked of beer and sweat.

'I'll go have a shower,' he said uncomfortably 'you can go in the living room…or not' he corrected when he saw the mess. There were old take pizza boxes and mountain of empty beer can scattered in an untidy heap all over the sofa.

'Yeah…'

Tony couldn't think of what to do apart from wander in the vague direction of the bathroom. Which he did, apart from that suddenly there were two bathroom doors. He walked towards one, collided with the wall, and fell over. Ziva laughed and pulled him to his feet. Embarrassed he stared at his feet.

'Maybe you ought to sober up while you're at it.' She grinned. 'Coffee ok?'

He smiled in way of thank-you and made it to the bathroom.

Ziva wandered in the direction of the kitchen. She found the coffee maker and after struggling with it for several minutes put on some coffee. She'd never seen Tony's apartment before and took this as the chance to look around. Further along the corridor she could see a door slightly ajar, obviously the bedroom. She glanced in the direction of the bathroom, and the sound of running water assured her that Tony was occupied. She slowly pushed the door open and surveyed the scene. The bed took up most of the room, ad Ziva wandered how many times _she _had been there and slept in this bed. How many times she had woken up next to Tony, how many times he had kissed her. How many times he'd told her he loved her…

'See anything interesting Zi-vah?' said voice She span round on the spot, and there was Tony leaning against the doorframe in a towel.

'No particularly' she replied, trying to hide her embarrassment.

'Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get dressed.' He said taking her buy the shoulders and steering her towards the door.

'Oh I don't mind. It's not like I haven't seen it all before.' She said turning to face him.

'Yes but we were working undercover. It was all strictly professional'

'Right…' she said slowly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

He rolled his eyes and shut the door in her face.

* * *

'So there I was surrounded by cops, and all I wanted was a freakin' soda' laughed Tony. Ziva giggled as he shoveled more noodles into his mouth. They had been there for a couple of hours now talking about nothing and eating Chinese take-away (which was the contents of the bag Ziva had brought).

'Have you heard from her yet?' said Ziva, knowing that Tony probably didn't want to talk about it.

'Who?' said Tony brought back to earth.

'Jeanne' said Ziva cautiously, watching how he reacted.

He paused and broke her gaze chewing at his bottom lip in thought.

'No.' he said slowly.

'Have you called her?'

'Yes, but she's not picking up, and she hasn't returned any of my messages.'

'Well if she can't see what she's missing out on than it's her loss.'

'And what is she missing out on?' said Tony carefully.

'A wonderful man who obviously think the world of her.' Said Ziva putting a hand on his. Suddenly she realized that was a mistake, and withdrew it quickly. Not wanting Tony to see her blushing.

'Ziva…' Tony whispered. She turned around to Tony, his face merely a breath away from hers. He was looking so deeply into her eyes, she wanted to pull away but t the same time found herself powerless to do so. She could feel his heart beating jut as fast a hers, gradually she leaned in and closed her eyes and…

* * *

this is my first fic, and i have other chapter written but i won't put them up unless anyone wants me to, please review!!! 


	2. sorry not a chapter, but simple a notice

ITS NOT A CHAPETER BUT PLEASE READ

Ok people gather round gather round I have a confession to make

I lost the chapters I was going to update. And considering I haven't looked at them in ages I can't remember what they say.

Yet, have no fear I am writing more, and I know what I want in them but I'm just trying to get them perfect. Which is kinda hard considering I'm also joint writing another story on another website with another person, and how much homework they are piling on me at them moment. We've only just gone back to school and i'm only thirteen but it's like I've started my GCSEs already Eeeek!!!!!

Okay, here's the dealio, I am writing as much as I can at the weekends and I think I oughta be ready by the middle of this month. Brownie promise.

Sooooo pretty please sit tight until then and thank you very much for your lovely reviews. Its nice to do creative writing as we haven't done any yet in English this term and my friend (the one who I'm joint writing another story with) keeps telling me how pissed off you guys are going to be if I hold off for too long and I'm having visions of people brandishing croquet mallets and killing me through the computer screen!

p.s. About my story, I read on the internet what happens in the beginning of series 5 STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT!!!!! and I know Jeanne has gone but that will have no effect on my story.


	3. The day after

Heya sorry this is so late. my sister is doing her A levels and her computer crashed so she gets priority on the computer for now. i'm on my two week school holiday now so hopefully the next chapter will be ssoner. I do realise this might not be as good as my first chapter, but i promise the next one will be better.

* * *

'Ziva…' Tony whispered. She turned around to Tony, his face merely a breath away from hers. He was looking so deeply into her eyes, she wanted to pull away but t the same time found herself powerless to do so. She could feel his heart beating jut as fast a hers, gradually she leaned in and closed her eyes and…

Tony's phone rang, and the moment disappeared. They both became horribly aware of the situation they were in, they were frozen half in half out of an embrace neither of them daring to move or even breathe. Then as one movement they sprang apart and Tony hastily picked up is phone, not soon enough so Ziva couldn't see the caller ID. Jeanne. Ziva excused herself andran into the bathroom, so nobody on the other end of the phone would know that they were together. While on the phone she spied a fire escape through the open window and while Tony spoke animatedly, she clambered through it. She took a last look back and saw a distinctly feminine perfume bottle next to Tony's aftershave and miserably ran down the steps.

A few minutes Tony pushed open the door.

'Ziva-' he started, but then he saw the curtains billowing from the wind coming from open window. He stood and stared at it for a few minutes before turning away disappointed.

* * *

Tony purposefully got to work long before anyone else had arrived, he knew that Ziva would use her cunning way of sneaking up on him to her advantage, and today more than any he really wished that she wouldn't. He knew she would want to talk about what had happened, and what had happened? He had single handedly ruined any chance of a friendship with Ziva. He couldn't believe he was going to do that to Jeanne. The one woman in the world he loved. And Ziva? I mean sure she was hot but he had gotten over that a long time ago. He couldn't help remembering the awkwardness of the previous evening, and winced. He turned red with shame just recalling the incident. He crawled under the desk, as Mcgee came out of the lift.

'Why are you under the desk?' asked a puzzled Mcgee.

'Hiding from Ziva…' he mumbled.

'Well, for starters you're not doing well,' a said a female voice,

Tony then said a very bad word and crawled out, only to be hit on the back of the head by Gibbs coming round the corner.

'Desks are for working not for playing hide and seek.' He said taking a sip of his coffee.

'We've got a case boss?' said Tony rubbing the back of his head.

'Yeah, Romeo Hart's missing.'

'Yeah, I heard about that on the news, Abby's in mourning.'

'Abby likes Romeo Hart?' asked a bewildered Tony.

'Yes…' said Mcgee slowly.

'The same Romeo Hart, whose last single was called 'I know you want to do nasty things to me'? And whose video mainly consisted of attractive models dancing around in their underwear?'

'Yeah.' Said Mcgee grinning. 'She's full of surprises.'

'Hang on a second,' said Ziva interrupted.' He's a singer? Isn't that a bit out of our area?'

'Not if his brother was a marine.'

'No way! Hart had a brother?' said Tony

'Abby did a bit of digging and found him.' he explained. 'She is his number one fan after all'

When they entered the Lab, Ziva was almost sure they had taken a wrong turning somewhere, because Abby had redecorated. Every available surface was taken up with Romeo franchise. The walls were covered with posters of him and she was pretty sure that it was his music played at full volume form the stereo in the corner. Abby ran out to meet them, her black eye makeup smudged from where she had been crying. Over her usual uniform of black was an outsized tee shirt with a picture of Romeo on it. She clung to the front of Gibbs' shirt.

'You've got to find him.' she sobbed. 'Promise me you will!'

Gibbs pried her from him and held her at arms length. "I promise, now what have you got for us?'

'Not much I'm afraid, Vincent Hart was born a healthy kid on the 19th December 1972…' she showed them a birth certificate on the large screen. 'Mother : Elizabeth Hart, now deceased, Father: unknown. That's how I found out that they were related. He joined the marines 22 years later, left 7 years after that due to a back injury, and no-one's heard of him since, could be dead for all we know. What's weird is I have read every interview with Romeo and he says he's an only child, his mother miscarried a few years after he was born and no other scrap of a sibling. Now why would he lie?'

'Not all of us have families we are proud of.' Said Ziva quietly and Tony shot a quick sideways glance.

'Or maybe he didn't know.' Said Gibbs. 'I want you all to search everything phone books addresses bank statement phone bills. Anything that ties to Vincent.'

'So we are going to be at our desks all day?' moaned Tony.

'Oh, I'm sorry would you _**like **_for somebody to be murdered? Because you're going to be next if you don't stop whining' snapped Gibbs.

'Yes boss' he said sheepishly.

Tony and Ziva sat at their desks in silence both getting more and more frustrated with the people on the other end of the phone.

'Yes I would like to speak to your supervisor just don't put me on….hold…' sad Tony as the opting bars of 'Eye of the tiger' trilled from the speaker. He glared at Ziva who was attempting to stop laughing.

'It's not funny,' he hissed.

'No of course it isn't' said Ziva failing to keep a straight face.

As Tony sang along into his phone as it reached the chorus and then stopped abruptly as somebody picked up the other end. 'Hello this is Tony DiNozzo, NCIS…'

Several hours later Gibbs approached them.

'Anything?'

'No. He lived with his mom when he first came back from the war, but she died and left the house to Romeo so god knows where he is now.' said Ziva

'His bank account has no idea where he is either and they wanted to let them know when we find him as he is several thousand dollars in debt.' Said Tony

'I see,'

'I thought that maybe, after his mom left the house to his brother he'd probably be crashing on a friend's couch, but there are no phones registered in his name since before he joined the marines, so I have no idea who that friend could be. We're chasing ghosts here boss. Vincent Hart has disappeared.' Tony explained

'Ok, you guys might as well go home. There's nothing more you can do tonight.'

'Thanks.' Said Ziva gratefully, grabbed her bag and left.

* * *

Ziva strode up and down the corridor fighting an inward battle before deciding her next move. She stood outside the door, hesitated, then knocked. As the door swung open she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said very rapidly.

'Hi, um yeah about last night well I'm not sure really what happened but if I think what is though happened and well you haven't mentioned it all day, and the point is, if you wanted it as much as I did, I'm here and we could start where we left off if…you…want…'

Here she trailed of as she had finally open her eyes and before her was Tony's NCIS shirt, but Tony wasn't wearing it. It was a woman who was staring at her in bewilderment. Ziva didn't need to guess who she was, especially considering that apart from the shirt she didn't seem to be wearing anything else. She looked past her into Tony's apartment and saw piles of cardboard boxes, some of them opened with books and clothes spilling out, and it all made sense. An awkward silence enshrouded them like a thick fog as Ziva stumbled to find something to say,. Something that would fix everything.

'Tony…' said Jeanne. 'Tony who is this?'

Tony came shuffling down the corridor in his boxers.

'It's probably somebody trying to sell us towels or some rubbish like that' he said snaking an arm round her waist. He looked up and Ziva saw over Jeanne's shoulder his eyes widen.

'This…this is Ziva. We work together.' He said carefully.

'But you were off last night, so what is she talking about. What happened last night?' said Jeanne sliding out from his embrace. Tony stuttered and Jeanne looked so hurt Ziva felt guilty.

'A project,' she said believably.

'A project?' said Jeanne skeptically.

'Yeah,' said Tony going along with it and nodding his head vigourously.

'There's a promotion opened up. We think that if we really impress then with or presentation we can both get it,' continued Ziva without batting an eyelid. She was lying, doing something she was good at. 'Sorry, I didn't know the two of you had plans.'

'We didn't. Tony had asked me to marry him and I needed to get my head around it. But now…' she held up her hand and Ziva saw the ring on her finger glisten in the light. One diamond beautifully cut.

'Your engaged?' said Ziva her voice sounding unnaturally high.

'Yes' said Tony carefully as if tip-toeing with his voice. He watched her trying to tell what she was thinking but she wouldn't let her emotion show on her face. 'She's moving in with me.'

'That's..that's…' terrible, stupid, idiotic, dreadful, 'Fantastic!'

'Oh, that's a nice dress,' said Jeanne. Ziva had on a long, dark red dress which showed off her back. Tony averted his eyes, he knew if he looked he'd have that disgusting butterfly feeling again. The same feeling he had last night. 'Are you going anywhere special?'

'Well I thought I was,' she smiled. 'It didn't work out.' She aimed the second bit at Tony who stood shamefaced.

'Jeanne, I need to talk to Ziva about work stuff outside, can you wait a second?' Tony said dragging Ziva by the arm into the corridor.

'Sure, I'll miss you!' she said sweetly.

Tony blew Jeanne a kiss and Ziva carried on smiling until they were out the door when she stopped abruptly.

'What the hell are you playing at Tony?' she said shaking with anger.

'What with Jeanne?' he said.

'Yes of course with Jeanne what else would I be talking about?" she said a hands balling into fists.

'Oh you're going to hit me now?' he said in mock seriousness.

'Trying very hard not to! You can't … you can't keep messing with people's heads like this!'

'I'm not messing with her head!'

'My head! You're messing with my head. We haven't spoken for months then in one night we almost kissed. Why would that happen if you really loved her?'

'I love her, I love _**Jeanne**_' said Tony pointedly.

'Are you telling me, or reassuring yourself?' said Ziva looking straight into his eyes, making him uncomfortable. He didn't reply.

'If Jeanne hadn't called you last night, hadn't interrupted us would you be engaged? No. Would you be moving in together? No. Because you would have kissed me.'

'I wasn't going to kiss you,' said Tony trying to not raise his voice so Jeanne would hear.

'Tony I have spent the last 15 years judging peoples actions, predicting what they will do next. Please don't insult me.'

'Ok maybe I would have kissed you, but my head was a mess, it didn't mean anything. It's not like just when you kiss someone you fall in love with them. If that was true I would have broken many, many hearts.'

'It really does confuse me how your ego manages to fit inside your body.'

Ignoring her Tony went on. 'You obviously got the wrong idea last night. You seem to have taken it as an invitation to walk up to my door dressed…dressed…' he paused here and took this as an opportunity to look her up and down. 'You know you really ought to dress like a woman more often.'

'So I dress like a man the rest of the time then?' she said laughing. He smiled too.

'I miss this.' He said wistfully.

'Miss what?'

'Us. Talking.' He said quietly. 'We haven't in ages.'

'Yeah and whose fault was that?' said Ziva angry again.

'Look last night was a drunken accident-' he started but Ziva stopped him.

'You were sober when it happened.'

'Fine it was a sober accident.' He said

'And that's really how you feel?' she said narrowing her eyes at him.

'Yes.' He said defiantly.

'Fine deny it. Deny everything that happened last night. Just don't expect me to hang around to hear it. I officially was my hands,' she did the action with her hands. 'Of you'. And she turned on her heel and left. Jeanne came out into the corridor.

'Oh, Ziva left.' She said disappointedly.

'Yeah,' said Tony, still watching the space she had been a few seconds ago.

'She seemed nice.'

'Yes, she is…' said Tony smiling.


End file.
